The Pit of No Return (The King Henry Tapes Book 6) Read online

  The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return

  The King Henry Tapes #6

  By Richard Raley

  Copyright © 2016 by Richard Raley

  http://richardraley.blogspot.com

  www.twitter.com/richardraley

  [email protected]

  Edition: 2016

  This book is a work of fiction. The names, characters, places, and events are fictitious and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, actual events, places or organizations is entirely coincidental.

  All rights are reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission from the author.

  NOVELS BY RICHARD RALEY

  THE KING HENRY TAPES

  The Foul Mouth and the Fanged Lady

  The Foul Mouth and the Cat Killing Coyotes

  The Foul Mouth and the Troubled Boomworm

  The Foul Mouth and the Headless Hunny

  The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist

  King Henry and the Three Little Trips (FM5.5)

  The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return

  The Foul Mouth and the Most Obvious Trap (forthcoming)

  STANDALONE NOVELS

  Gush (forthcoming)

  Sky-Island 1827-E

  The Betrothal: Or How I Saved Alan Edwards from 40 Years of Hell

  NOVELLAS AND SHORTS

  Prime Pickings: An Eater Short*

  Little King Henry: A KH Short*

  Conquering Hero: A KH Short*

  Friendship is Madness: A KH Short*

  Second Take: A KH Short*

  Griefing: A KH Short*

  Meet the Bonnies: A KH Short*

  King Henry Short Pack One (*included in)

  As always, a toast to Jeff, Josh, Matt, and Brandon

  Who taught me so many wonderful new words in high school.

  Author’s Note

  List of Mancy Types

  King Henry’s Class

  Staff of the Institution of Elements

  DRAMATIS PERSONAE

  Session 163

  Session 65

  Session 164

  Session 165

  Session 66

  Session 166

  Session 167

  Session 67

  Session 168

  Session 169

  Session 68

  Session 170

  Session 171

  Session 69

  Session 172

  Session 173

  Session 70

  Session 174

  Session 175

  Session 71

  Session 176

  Session 177

  Session 72

  Session 178

  Session 179

  Session 180

  Session 181

  Sneak Peek: Gush

  About the Author

  Author’s Note

  For those of you who have finished The Foul Mouth and the Mancy Martial Artist and immediately skipped forward to The Foul Mouth and the Pit of No Return I wanted to make you all aware that there is a shorter intermediate novel that sits between the two works. King Henry and the Three Little Trips tells three interconnected stories from the same day, two weeks after The Mancy Martial Artist, featuring T-Bone, Eva Reti, and King Henry himself. Please be aware that events in FM5.5 will immediately be spoiled in Pit of No Return, including a character’s death.

  Just saying . . .

  Might want to read it.

  —R.R.

  List of Mancy Types

  Mancy Type – Element (Ultra Title)

  Necromancy – Death (Bonegrinder)

  Pyromancy – Fire (Firestarter)

  Geomancy – Earth (Artificer)

  Aeromancy – Air (Winddancer)

  Hydromancy – Water (Riftwalker)

  Electromancy – Lightning (Stormcaller)

  Cryomancy – Ice (Winterwarden)

  Sciomancy – Shadow (Shadeshifter)

  Spectromancy – Light (Beaconkeeper)

  Floromancy – Plant (Forestplanter)

  Faunamancy – Animal (Beasttalker)

  Mentimancy – Mind (Mindmaster)

  Corpusmancy – Body (Facechanger)

  King Henry’s Class

  Student’s Name (Mancy Type)

  King Henry Price (Geomancer)

  Heinrich Welf (Necromancer)

  Valentine “Boomworm” Ward (Pyromancer)

  Asa Kayode (Hydromancer)

  Miranda Daniels (Aeromancer)

  Estefan Ramirez (Electromancer)

  Debra Diaz (Electromancer)

  Curt Chambers (Spectromancer)

  Malaya Mabanaagan (Spectromancer)

  Quinn Walden (Spectromancer)

  Ronaldo Silva (Cryomancer)

  Raj Malik (Cryomancer)

  Hope Hunting (Cryomancer)

  Miles Hun Pak (Sciomancer)

  Eva Reti (Sciomancer)

  Naomi Gullick (Floromancer)

  Preston “Pocket” Landry (Floromancer)

  Tamiko Lewis (Floromancer)

  Nicholas Hanson (Floromancer)

  Sandra Kemp (Floromancer)

  Patrick “Rick” Brown (Faunamancer)

  Jesus Valencia (Faunamancer)

  Jessica Edwards (Faunamancer)

  Robin White (Faunamancer)

  Athir Al-Qasimi (Mentimancer)

  Isabel Soto (Corpusmancer)

  Samuel Bird (Corpusmancer)

  Yvette Reynolds (Corpusmancer)

  Jason Jackson (Corpusmancer)

  Nizhoni Sherman (Corpusmancer)

  Staff of the Institution of Elements

  Name – Institution Position (Mancy Type, Level)

  THE LEARNING COUNCIL

  Maudette “The Lady of the Lake” Lynch – Dean (Hydromancer, Ultra)

  Delores Dingle – Head of Mathematics, King Henry’s Math Teacher (Faunamancer, Intra)

  Christopher Erikson – Head of Languages (Cryomancer, Ultra)

  Phineas Farraday – Head of Sciences (Mentimancer, Ultra)

  Benedict Massey – Head of History (Geomancer, Intra)

  Morgana Lancaster – Head of Physical Education, Facechanger Teacher (Corpusmancer, Ultra)

  Keith Gullick – Head of Elementalism, King Henry’s Elementalism Teacher (Floromancer, Ultra)

  Mordecai Root – Head of Physical Theories, Bonegrinder Teacher (Necromancer, Ultra)

  Antigone Hyde – Head of Mental Theories, Winddancer Teacher (Aeromancer, Ultra)

  Rudolph Meyer – Head of Electives (Faunamancer, Ultra)

  Ceinwyn Dale – Head of Recruiting (Aeromancer, Ultra)

  Russell Quilt – Head of Testing/Non-Voting (Mentimancer, Intra)

  Nigel Rowland – Firestarter Teacher (Pyromancer, Ultra)

  Paul “Plutarch” Nixon – Artificer Teacher (Geomancer, Ultra)

  Leander Marlow – Riftwalker Teacher (Hydromancer, Ultra)

  Noelle Clarke – Stormcaller Teacher (Electromancer, Ultra)

  Alberto Cervantes – Beaconkeeper Teacher (Spectromancer, Ultra)

  Rin Yukimura – Winterwarden Teacher (Cryomancer, Ultra)

  Tristan McBee – Shadeshifter Teacher (Sciomancer, Ultra)

  Earlene Van Houten – Forestplanter Teacher (Flormancer, Ultra)

  Wolfgang Von Welf – Beasttalker Teacher (Faunamancer, Ultra)

  Yuri Jakovic – Mindmaster Teacher (Mentimancer, Ultra)

  OTHER STAFF

  Evelyn Strange – Head of the Infirmary (Hydromancer, Ultra)

  Kumiko Ambrose – King Henry’s History and History of Elementalism Teacher (Geomancer,
Intra)

  Jethro “Jet” Smith – King Henry’s Languages Teacher (Necromancer, Intra)

  Nevada Slaton – King Henry’s Science Teacher (Cryomancer, Intra)

  Harvey Pride – King Henry’s P.E. Teacher (Corpusmancer, Ultra)

  Fines Samson – King Henry’s Survival and Defense Teacher, King Henry’s Elementalism as a Weapon Teacher, Partially Retired (Sciomancer, Ultra)

  Audrey Foster – King Henry’s Theory of Anima Teacher (Aeromancer, Intra)

  Rainbow Greenbrier – King Henry’s Elementalism as Art Teacher (Spectromancer, Intra)

  Wilbur Fisk – King Henry’s Theory of Elemental Prophecy Teacher (Faunamancer, Ultra)

  DRAMATIS PERSONAE

  (When we last left our heroes)

  KING HENRY AND HIS ALLIES

  King Henry Price – Geomancer, Maximus? – The Foul Mouth, Artificer for Hire, Wielder of a World-Breaker, Chosen of Meteyos, the Dirt King

  Valentine “Boomworm” Ward – Pyromancer, Ultra? – A Recruiter, Ceinwyn Dale’s Heir Apparent, King Henry’s Ex-Girlfriend, The Fire Queen, Miserable In London

  Tyson “T-Bone” Bonnie – Electromancer, Ultra – Electronic and Cyber Security Consultant, Video Game Geek, King Henry’s partner in the Artificer Shop, Vicky Welf’s Boyfriend, On Team Don’t Lick the Vamp Clit

  Ceinwyn Dale – Aeromancer, Maximus? – Head of Recruiting for the Asylum, The Last True Dale, King Henry’s Former Financial Backer, Friend of Annie B and Ward of Nii-Vah, Likely Candidate to Replace the Lady as Dean

  Preston “Pocket” Landry – Floromancer, Ultra – FIND Agent, King Henry’s Friend, Jesus Valencia’s Boyfriend, The Fernthrower, On Team Don’t Lick the Vamp Clit

  Jesus Valencia – Faunamancer, Ultra – FIND Agent, King Henry’s Friend, Pocket Landry’s Boyfriend, The Dog Orphan, On Team Don’t Lick the Vamp Clit

  Mini-Meta – Corporeal Anima Concentration – Born from Meteyos and Set to Watch Over and Protect King Henry, an Elemental Gnome, Recently Given A Golem by King Henry

  Heinrich von Welf – Necromancer, Ultra – Apprentice to Moira Welf, The Dead Prince, Uses the Construct of his Dead Friend Jason Jackson

  Vicky von Welf – Spectromancer, Ultra – Up and Coming Spectro Artist, Heinrich’s Younger Sister, Tyson Bonnie’s Girlfriend, Banished from Welf Manor

  Jason Jackson – Corpusmancer, Ultra – A Recruiter, Best Friend of Heinrich Welf, Slain by Conan Sapa at the Ouroboros, DECEASED

  Miranda Daniels – Aeromancer, Ultra – A Teacher at the Asylum, The Ginger Nemesis, Red Wind, Valentine Ward’s Best Friend

  Estefan Ramirez – Electromancer, Ultra – A Senior ESLED Agent Assigned to the West Coast, Married to Debra Diaz, Pretty Boy, Avoiding Children Like the Plague

  Eva Reti – Sciomancer, Maximus – ESLED Agent, Loyalty to the Asylum in Doubt, King Henry’s Ex, Recently Experimented on by the Curator, “Enhanced” with Wolf Anima, Lighteater, Probationary Member of Team Don’t Lick the Vamp Clit

  Naomi Gullick – Floromancer, Ultra – A Teacher at the Asylum, King Henry’s Ex, She Doesn’t Like Talking About It

  Debra Ramirez nee Diaz – Electromancer, Ultra – A Teacher at the Asylum, Married to Estefan, Ready to Start a Family, Like Now, Why Will He Never Go On Vacation?

  Old Man Price – King Henry’s Dad, Works in a Warehouse, Living with a Woman named Marge

  Susanna Belle Price – King Henry’s Eldest Sister, Whereabouts Unknown, Last Heard About in Seattle

  Christmas Ward – Geomancer, Ultra – Fifteen, Valentine’s Younger Sister, Kidnapped by the Curator and Rescued by King Henry and Valentine, Preparing to Start Her Second Year at the Asylum, The Curious Crystal

  THE VAMPIRE EMBASSIES

  Nii-Vah – Vampire Divine, Mistress of Justice, Guardian of Ceinwyn Dale, Friend of Humanity?

  Inanina – Vampire Divine, Mistress of War, the Headless Hunny, Sister and Slayer of the Divine Eresha

  Pwent – Vampire Divine, Mistress of Coin and of the Great Bank, Plays All Sides

  Moshi – Vampire Divine, Master of Flesh, Breeds Humans for Taste, Placidity, and Pleasure

  The False One – Vampire Divine, Recently Risen, The Monster in the Attic, Intentions Unknown, Currently called “Falschein”

  Annie B – Vampire Baroness, Wears the Shell of Anne Boleyn, Had a One Night Stand with King Henry, Killed Joannie D, Knows the Truth about King Henry Price, Recently Punished in Glass for Six Months

  Moore – A Gentlewoman Vampire, Assigned to the San Francisco Embassy, Has Trice Crossed Paths with King Henry, Offered Information on “The Fall of Atlas”

  Linebacker – A Gentleman Vampire, Security for the San Francisco Embassy

  Eresha – DECEASED, Vampire Divine, Slain by Inanina with the Help of Mordecai Root

  Joannie D – DECEASED, Wore the Shell of Joan of Arc, Vampire Countess, Slain by Annie B with King Henry’s Help

  THE WERE NATIONS

  Horatio Vega – Werecoyote – King of the Coyote Nation, a Poly-Shifter, Managing Director of the Ouroboros Hotel and Casino, King Henry’s Brother-in-Law

  Jordan Josephine “JoJo” Vega – Werecoyote – King Henry’s Sister, Horatio Vega’s Wife, a Poly-Shifter, Pregnant with the Coyote Prince

  Hector Vega – Werecoyote – DECEASED, Vega’s Nephew, Attempted to Kill King Henry, House Burnt Down by King Henry, Accidentally Slain by King Henry at the Auction of Illicit Wonders

  Esme Castro – Werecoyote – Vega’s Niece, Vega’s Court Secretary

  Antonio – Werecoyote – Vega’s Nephew, Head of Security for the First Lie Ranch, Overprotective

  Zoey Vega – Werecoyote – Hector’s Maybe Wife At Least Baby Mama

  Overcoat – Werecoyote – DECEASED, One of Hector’s Boys

  Tatterdemalion – Werecoyote – Assigned by King Vega to Guard Hector, Current Status Unknown

  Sharp/Jack – Werepython – Vega’s Bodyguard and Enforcer, Member of the Eternal Order

  The Tsar – Wereraven – An Information Broker and Major Underworld Figure

  Jarvis Washington – Faunamancer, Intra – Head of the Pitbull Nation, Lying About Being a Were, Officially Recognized by the Asylum

  George Joseph “Go-Joe” McKenna IV – Wereotter – Vice President of the Otter Nation, Owns a Club, Total Mega Douchebag

  Javier Castillo – Werejaguar – Tlacochcalcatl of the Jaguar Nation, Kidnaps Mancer Recruits for Ransom, Performs Ancient Blood Rites and Sacrifices

  Master Zhou – Head of the Eternal Order, Worshiper of the Serpent God, Paid for Construction of the Ouroboros, Initiated King Henry Price Onto the First Rung of the Eternal Ladder

  Grant Little – Werewolf – DECEASED, Former Wolf Nation Alpha, Slain in an Experiment Performed by the Three Queens

  THE CURATOR AND HIS ALLIES

  Obadiah Paine – Geomancer, Ultra – The Curator, The Broken One, Thought Dead by the Asylum, Once in Love with Ceinwyn Dale, Once Coveted King Henry as his Apprentice, Sought to Save the World, Now Seeks to Free the World

  Isabel Soto – Corpusmancer, Maximus? – Imprisoned in the Pit, Broke Out with Paine’s Aid, In Love with King Henry Price and Obadiah Paine, Insane with Anima Madness, the Everchanging

  Catherine Hayes – Aeromancer, Ultra – Leader of the Three Queens, Bastard Daughter of Frederick von Welf, The Bloodseeker, Ceinwyn Dale’s Second Greatest Mistake

  Mary O’Connell – Hydromancer, Ultra – Member of the Three Queens, The Bubbling Undertow

  Teresa Garcia – Pyromancer, Ultra – Member of the Three Queens, the Charred Finger

  Conan Sapa – Corpusmancer, Intra – DECEASED, Gunman for Hire, Kidnaps and Procures Missed or Passed Over Mancer Children for Paine’s Purposes, Slain by King Henry at the Ouroboros

  OTHER POWERS

  Meteyos – Dragon – Lord of the Geo Realm, The Killer of Fools, One of the Thirteen, Imprisoned

  Aqamadellat – Dragon – Lady of the Scio Realm, One of the Thirteen, Imprisoned, Anticipating the “Awakening”


  Pougpaellieth – Sawaephim (Black Elf) – Templar of Meteyos, Friend of King Henry, Imprisoned in the Geo Realm

  Session 163

  Can’t say I’m a fan of getting arrested.

  Ain’t nearly as bad as a woman claiming you da baby daddy, but it’s up there.

  . . . What?

  It only happened twice!

  The tests proved it wasn’t me.

  Shit, one was black and the other was a ginger, couldn’t have possibly been mine.

  Wasn’t worried at all.

  Not one bit.

  No, I did not call a doctor’s office afterwards to ask if there are temporary five-year vasectomies.

  What was I talking about?

  Oh yeah.

  Getting arrested.

  Not a fan.

  Even when it’s two of my former classmates carrying out said arrest.

  Estefan Ramirez and Miles Hun Pak both started sucking on the Asylum’s massive, studded, authoritative cock right after graduation. Estefan sucked it so hard, long, and with such oral dedication that he was even promoted to Senior ESLED agent a few months back. Still every inch the pretty boy, still expects the whole world to give way with just a smile, me included. Seriously, you just strut into King Henry’s Nerd Nirvana and expect the man himself to slip on some handcuffs like he’s the good ‘ittle boy he ain’t never been?

  Okay . . . gonna do it eventually, cuz when you’re fighting the Curator, the Divine Court, half the Were Nations on the planet, and the Mancy only knows who else, you don’t want to pick a fight with ESLED too, but who does Estefan think he is? Maybe the suicidal thoughts were finally showing up. Got married at twenty-one. Got no life ahead of me. Debra already wants kids. What did I do? What was I thinking? If King Henry kills me I won’t have to live with my poor decision making skills.

  And Miles . . . Miles Fucking Hun Fucking Pak! Dweeby ass Miles with his dweeby ass glasses and his dweeby ass bowtie. Wardrobe makes T-Bone’s sweater-vest look like badass motherfucker apparel. BAMF on the belt buckle just like McCree. Who does Miles think he is coming into my shop with Estefan, backing up his partner and best friend like that? You stop the guy jumping off the roof, Miles, you don’t help him up the stairs!